the blackout

de l'hospital

2009-04-24T05:32:00.000-07:00

semalam aku dikejutkan ngan berita yg ayahku masuk wad. t'kejut gler aku yelah bayangkan aku bgn kol 5 pagi, turun2 je mak aku ade kat bawah. x leh tdo. die ckp abah msk hospital tgh mlm smlm. aku x tau nak wat ape. lps fkr lame2 aku decide nk join konvoi blk johor pg tu. aku call manager aku apply 2 ari emergency leave. naisb baik hotel x bz!

kitorg b'tlk lmbt sbb tunggu kakak aku settlekan few thngs kt ofis. smpi t'tidor aku d'buatnye! last2 kitorg b'tlk kol 12.30 tngahari n stop kejap kt ayer keroh sbb nk solat. smpi dlm kol 4 lebih trs jumpe abah. alhamdulillah abah sht cumefood poisoning je. rupa-rupanye abah sakit mcm aku!

nk dijadikan cite, few days earlier aku pn x chat. muntah2, cirit birit, demam semua ade. tp aku amek mc 1 ari je, sbb bnyk sgt 'drama' kt hotel smpi x ckp org! so diorg bg drip kt abah, n bg 'diabetic diet' kt abah. sbb diorg suspect kencing manis. hopefully x de ape2 lah kan.

skang aku kt kl. x snggup nk cuti lame2. abah pn nmpk dh ok. selera mkn pn dh b'tmbh! alhamdulillah. dlm bas td ade org ingt aku budak lg! kelass!!! terima kaseh jelah! biaselah dlm bas td aku mengelamun BANYAK. psl future aku. kalo ikutkan aku tgh bingung sbnrnye. aku tau aku x kan lame keje hotel ni tp aku x tau nk keje ape lg. skang tgh recession lg lah ssh nk carik keje! nk smbg blaja tp... x tau nk amek course ape n kt mane?

kalo aku nk smbg blaja mksdnye aku kene crk scholarshiplah! n kene start b'jimat sbb tkt x ckp duit! x leh shopping sakan lg....huhu

He’s just not that into you

2009-02-17T18:50:00.000-08:00

When I first heard the phrase I was like “ mcm pernah dgr tapi dimana ya?”. Some people say alah cite br Jen Anniston tu ngan Drew Barrymore, Scarlet Johansson bla bla. But no, I swear I heard it somewhere. Rupa-rupanya that was the title of the book yang kakak aku sibuk bace after die break wt her boyfriend. He’sjust not that into you. Mula-mulanye aku make fun of her well … not in front of her though. I was like “ ana selalu bace buku2 macam ni?”.

After a few months and after people making such a big fuss about the movie aku pun bacelah buku tu yg selama ni asyik aku pandang je kat meja kakak aku tu. Well here’s a few things from the book yg aku btl2 suke and setuju…

He’s just not that into you if he’s not asking you out because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out
If you can find him, then he can find you. if he wants to find you, he will
You are good enough to be asked out
He’s just not that into you if he’s not calling you… men know how to use the phone
If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind
“busy” is another word for xxxhole. Xxxhole is anther word for the guy you’re dating
He’s just not that into you if he’s not dating you … hanging out is not dating
There’s a guy out there who will want to tell everyone that he’s your boyfriend. Quit goofing around and go find him
A cheater only cheats himself, because he doesn’t get to be with you
There’s a guy out there who wants to marry you
Cut him off. Let him miss you
He’s just not that into you if he’s disappeared on you
No answer is your answer
There’s no mystery- he’s gone and he wasn’t good enough for you
He’s just not that into you if he’s married ( and other insane variations of being unavailable)
There are cool, loving single men in the world. Find one of them to go out with
You are not easily forgotten. Let him find you when he’s ready
You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time
Make a space in your life for the glorious things you deserve
Have faith. What other choice is there?
I will not go out wt a man who hasn’t asked me out first
I will not go out wt a man who keeps me waiting by the phone
I will not, under any circumstances, spend my precious time wt a man who has already rejected me

Moral of the story is…. He’s an xxxhole and I deserve better! Move on Hamidah Hamzah!!!

The "V" Day

2009-02-16T06:25:00.000-08:00

I know as a Muslim and ‘Perempuan Melayu Terakhir” ehem ehem Valentines Day is not really our tradition but I really like the idea of people celebrating their love not only with their life partner but with their love ones. Even though I never really celebrate it but I wish I am. Berdosa ke kalo aku cakap macam tu?

Alah aku nk celebrate ngan sape? Kebetulan aku cuti that Saturday (after 6 days of working, 12 hours a day!). Imagine that! Memang aku x de life langsung! Keluar date pun asyik kene reschedule je! Sori beb! I knw you desrve better! Huhu….

Anyway I woke up quite late that Saturday morning and as usual Alin ada kat bawah. Lepas borak2 ngan die kitorg decide nk pi KlCC. Baanyak plan aku ari tu (cewah!) alah setakat nak beli kasut ( heel hitam aku hbs rabak kt depan!) malu betul bile pegi briefing lagi teruk bile yang perasan tu semua lelaki. Memang mata diorg tu macam mikroskop! Teliti semua bende! Nasib baiklah aku ni muka tembok!!! Hehe.

Kitorg pegi Nose after survey2 kasut ngan Aisyah my younger sister 2 weeks earlier. Actually kitorg suke ade satu kasut hitam ni punyelah perfect n selesa! Tp…. Design die mmg x kene ngan lngsng ngan imej ‘korporat” haha. In the end kitorg beli kasut hitam yg simple2 je murah plak tu! Jimat jimat...

N then ape lg movie time! Kitorg tgk Changeling. W’pun dh phone booking tp que pnjg gler! org gler pn x seramai tu! Cerita die oklah a bit slow n a bit pnjg aku ingt more than 3 hrs rupa2nya dlm 2 jam lbh je. Maybe aku x enjoy cite tu sbb I was distracted by a news yg mmg aku dh jangka akn aku terima tp x secepat ni. I think you know what that news was Am!

Terus terang aku ckp aku jst froze to death! Like the world stops 4 a while… maybe diorg pn berkabung untk aku haha. Tp… ape nk wat dh takdir. I believe in faith and I believe yg everythings happen wt a reason. That’s how I feel Am. I’ve already prepared for it. Biarlah hati aku hancur, biarlah aku nangis non stop. There’s nothing that I can do but doakan die n wish them every happiness.

Malam tu smpi almost 8 sbb kitorg carik sekolh alam shah sbb sbtu ni ade ujian ptd. Rupa2nya sklh sains selangor tu sekolah alam shah! Duh!!! Aku cpt2 mandi sbb mlm ni ade cite ‘becoming jane’ cerita kononnye abt my fav author…” Jane Austen”. Bile tgk cite tu aku nangis aku x tau nape. Maybe sbb aku dpt rase ape yg ‘Jane’ rase or aku br ‘sedar’ aftr my numbness. Ending of the movie mentioned yg both Jane and her elder sister x kawen. Alin ckp ngan aku…” Oh nak jd mcm Jane lh ni…’. Aku terdiam. Maybe…. I mean I’m a self confessed commitment-phobe yet I’m a hopeless romantic person who always dream of her happy ending. But realitinye there’s no such thing as happy ending. Happy ending only happens in movies or fairy tales…. well that's what I feel ... at least for now...

inspiration

2008-10-15T05:27:00.000-07:00

rite now i'm in johor having a short break at my parents' house. ohhh what a break!!! keje aku tdo n tdo n tdo!!!! aku dh lame x tdo selena ni. maybe sbb i'm on medication kot... hmm. skang semua org demam tp aku tabik spring kat diri aku sbb masih mampu keje 10 hari non stop dlm keadaan demam n sakit tekak! phew kalah wonder woman!

i have to admit setiap kali aku kat johor aku rase tenang and soooo inspired. i'm an oceanography major working in hotel industry but dreaming of becoming a designer! wow what an inroduction! aku nk blaja menjahit tp x de mase! i have so many ideas tp sayang..... arggh i wish one day aku ade mase untk buat semua ni. one day...

blackout

2008-10-13T23:38:00.000-07:00

people say truth hurts. well that exactly ape yg aku rase skang. bile kita tau perkara sebenar kita seolah-olah trying to deny the fact... cuba nk sedapkan hati kite. tapi x de ape yg kite dpt buat untk m'ubah kenyataan.

last few weeks betul2 menguji ketabahan aku. the truth about shahrul, losing my best friend to other department.... hwaa!!!!! rase nk nangis nak menjerit pn ade. tapi apelah yg blh aku wat. so i deciedd to call this post the blackout. sebab tiba2 aku rase dunia aku gelap je. meaningless.

the winner takes it all

2008-10-05T10:31:00.000-07:00

I dont wanna talk
About the things weve gone through
Though its hurting me
Now its history
Ive played all my cards
And thats what youve done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
Thats her destiny

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking Id be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules

The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
Its simple and its plain
Why should I complain.

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all

I dont wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand
Youve come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence

But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all......

cuti....

2008-10-02T21:09:00.000-07:00

hari ni aku cuti. ingatkan nak keluar lunch with my family. lame x mkn same2 ngan diorg. slalunye ade je sorg yg missing. tapi bgn2 je ( aku tdo lmbt smlm.... gara2 bace harry potter.... yes intan, midah x habis2 bace lagi buku tu!!!!) diorg ckp diorg nk blk after semayang jumaat. arrgh frust btol aku! nasib baik aku x booked buffet lunch kt hotel! kalo x mau kene marah ngan diorg!

turun2 tgk family aku t'gelak gelak tgk cite bujang lapok. " jangan marah arrr..." hehe. mummy msk lauk favouriteku... kuah labu. disebabkan dah tukar plan. aku n adik aku plan nk tgk mamamia after my parents blk johor. aku n my sisters- esah n alin msg2 ade plan. esah ajak p ampang point. alin nk wat mani-pedi. aku? ntah tiba2 ni nk melaram je! aku plan nk wat henna kat kaki. tapi mcm biase... family aku ni plan je lbh.. habuk tarak!!!!

Syawal datang lagi.....

2008-10-01T19:05:00.000-07:00

1 Syawal

Syawal datang lagi tapi as usual aku rase biase je. Maybe sebab dah biase sambut di KL so x rase kemeriahannya. This year kali pertama aku x sambt raya ngan family aku and dis year gak we all celebrate tanpa pegi ke umah atuk.

Arwah atuk meniggal last april. Bagi aku x de ape2 perubahan sangat sebab aku x berapa rapat ngan arwah atuk. Tapi maybe kesian kat mummy sebab she’s very close with her.Kali ni juga aku beraya tanpa bersama-sama ngan famili aku. Demi kawan aku sanggup korbankan cuti raya aku. You owe me am!!! Tapi best gak. Dapatlah merasa gak bekerja semasa raya. Hehe….. suasana kat hotel meriah sebab hamper semua orang pakai baju raye especially yg keje front office. Macam2 stail mcm2 colour ade.

Aku stakat pakai baju kebaya last year ckplah. Baju raya thn ni aku nk pki mase wed am. Ape org kate? Save the best for last? Hehe…. Anyway sebut pasal baju the one baju yg menarik perhatian aku adelah baju abg faizul. Betul2 ala hritik roshan! Tinggi dh ade, hensem, bdn tough, siap nyanyi lagu kuch2 hota hai kat aku tu!
Apelah bang ni!

Tapi ape yg menarik psl abag ni adelah die punye prinsip. He has his own view on certain things yg mmg aku x setuju tp as a fren n as a colleague aku respect pendirian die. Tapi yg plg aku x dpt terima is bile die ckp die x nak kawen. Why would you propose someone if you don’t want to marry her? Why abang? Why must you be with someone if you know that you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with them? Why???

Sure I may not be the right person untk b’khutbah psl perlahwinan or love. What do I know about love? I’ve only have a few crushes. Yes you read me CRUSHES. I’ve never been in a serious relationship before. Dn’t ask me why cause I also don’t know why.

Am I too fussy? Too choosy? Too demanding? Or aku blm jumpe lagi my prince charming? My dream guy? My white knight? My everything? The one? Or… whatever you want to call it.

But the question is mcm mane org tu tahu dat their partner is the one? Tang mane yg diorg tgk? Sometimes it took forever for someone untk jumpe diorg punye soulmate. Yeah dats the word! Soulmate. Stgh org t’paksa tunggu b’thn thn lamenye. Stgh org tu plak t’paksa 2 -3 kali b’cerai untuk jumpe the perfect person untuk diri die. Contoh terbaik? Brad pitt- Angelina jolie. I love them! They are so perfect for each other. Aku suke how both of them influence each other’s life. Diorg berubah dengan rela n become like a great team. And the fact that they are both so different in characters, personalities membuatkan aku betul2 suke kan konsep yin and yang.

Aku percaya yg dalam hdp ini kite kene ade 2 benda yg berbeza untuk mendapat keseimbangan. Lelaki-perempuan, langit-bumi, malam- siang. Aku juge percaya yg aku perlu carik lelaki yg b’beza karakter daripada ku. So lets make a list here about myself :

o A bit plump … well not a bit lah tapi mmg plump
o Frenly and a bit playful…. In other words cheeky
o Daring
o Adventurous
o Easily bored….. that’s so true!!!!!!!
o Very musical
o Romantic…. Yes I am!
o And last but not least a very loyal fren

So does it mean aku kene carik org yg kurus, pendiam, serius, pak turut and x romantic! Ermm…. I don’t think so!!!! Ok lets make a list of ciri2 yg aku suke. Hmm….

o Funny…. (Of course!)
o Understanding
o Protective
o Smart…. In other words berkerjaya
o Dlm satu ayat penuh…. ‘ someone yg dapat menjaga aku, membimbing, melindung aku n treat me like a princess setiap mase’

Bknnye ssh pun tapi nape smpi skng x jumpe2 lg? like I said I have a few crushes tapi semuanye crash boom bang! One guy yg aku suke yg aku mmg dh confess kat die. He’s almost perfect tp dh taken .... Pergh!!!!

The other one well let just say I admire his physical but not his prinsip. The last guy yg aku suke. Hmm…. Mcm ok je. Mcmlah tapi…. Aku x tau sangat psl die. ape yg aku tau is die keje same hotel ngan aku. He's wearing white unform. N name die 's' bukan name sebenar. Hehe….
Mcm mane aku kenal die ek? Eh bkn kenal x pernah ckp pn ngan die! Erm it was in cafeteria. Aku tgh mkn wt a group of frens. He walked in. aku pandang die. Dat was the first time in my entire life aku terkedu n pandang 2 x kat orang tau!. Never in my almost 25 years of life! N aku bknnye nk perasan tapi die pn 2x pandang kat aku. Yg klako nye bile aku pandang die pn pndg so aku jadi malu!

Mulenye aku ingt die bdk baru sbb x prnh nmpk tp rupa-rupanye die lg lame dr aku! Well a few mnthslah since then slalu t’serempak n since then trs suke. Dr suke trs jadi angau. Aku plg suke time bln pause mase awal2 tu slalu nmpk kt kafetari.a. w’pun x tegur tp aku suke sgt bile nmpk die. Tp bile kwn die tgr aku jd malu nk pndg kat diorg. Tp yg paling best skali bile aku nmpk die kat luar surau tgh pki kasut. Alhamdulillah….. dh mng bnyk poin dh!!! N mase one day tu die snym kt aku. He smiled at me!!! A nd what did I do? As usual aku buat muke bodoh!!!! Argh!!!! Bangang btol aku nie !!! and yesterday …. Setelah sekian lame…. Aku nampk die gak. Die dtg dkt ngan aku. W’pun x b’ckp tp ckplah aku untuk menatap wajah die yg amat aku rindui n untk aku tahu name die. S……. ahhhh sejak tu aku rase di awing-awangan…. Angau…..